New Studies Indicate "Stash Building: It's Not Our Fault"

We saw this article and just had to share it. It seems like there really is a scientific method to our madness, ladies. During the year, many quilters and home sewers might be feeling some guilt about their fabric stashes. Here's a bit of humorous theory to dispel some of your "guilt."

This report appeared in the Western North Carolina quilters Guild Newsletter in 1997, author unknown: Scientific Study Reveals Hypnotizing Effect.

A recent study has indicated that fabrics give off certain pheromones that hypnotize women and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts of cloth. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the pheromones in the fabrics cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, such as storing food). The species is perpetuated and there's no population loss due to, their kind being cut up in pieces and mixed with others.

Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high pitched sound, heard only by a select few, known as quilters. When played backward, the sounds are heard as chants - Buy me, cut me, sew me!

To overcome the so-called feeding frenzy effect that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use earplugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. Imagine the sight of customers in a fabric store wearing World War II army gas masks and head sets.

Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the Earth, helping to spread the effect these fabrics have on the human population. These aliens are called fabric store clerks! Furthermore, the pheromones seem to cause a pathological need to secret the fabric purchases away when one takes them home.

(submitted by Robin Levenberg from "The Little Foot Press")